


Picard and Q at Madison Square Garden

by internetname



Series: TrekSmut Illustrated Moments [3]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:27:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3136112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/internetname/pseuds/internetname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picard and Q at Madison Square Garden

**Author's Note:**

> I and some other P/Q writers enjoy making what we call TrekSmut Illustrated Moments. Costumes are emphasized, and the Picard and Q who appear in the stories are usually not Captain Picard and Q of the Continuum. (We also call these "And Then They Fuck" stories. They're short and fun and give them a try!

>Hey Vee? Where's the friggin vodka?! 

>I'm drinking it! You got a problem with that? 

>Yeah! It's all gone! I got a big fat week of UST coming my way and I need a Stolly or two or three. Oh, and BTW, any chance of a nasty, mean, totally non Varoneeka P/Q story where they hate each other but can't get enough sex? I want'em hot for each other, but hating the fact that they want it, but can't help themselves. Is this possible?Can you have Picard crying in frustration as he plunges his cock into Q's arse? Can you make them do it angry? 

>Oops. I guess I just sounded like Demanding Person. 

>Robin 

 

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to WCKF FM, your number-one sports and entertainment station, and to another night of BIG TIME PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, here at Madison Square Garden! [roar of crowd; someone is chanting "Die! Die!" and someone else is ringing a bell.] You've come on a killer night, ladies and gentlemen, because tonight we're featuring none other than those two long-time bitter rivals, the Picardinator, and Q-pid! We managed to talk with both of them in their dressing rooms. 

[go to tape] 

Picardinator, we're heard that tonight you have something special planned for Q-pid. 

SPECIAL! YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S SPECIAL! THAT LITTLE FAIRY IS GONNA GET WHAT'S COMING TO HIM AND I'M JUST THE DESTROYER OF FAIRY BODIES WHO'S GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM! HE WILL FEEL PAIN! HE WILL KNOW SUFFERING! HIS BROKEN BODY WILL LITTER THE RING AS A WARNING TO ALL OTHER FAIRIES OUT THERE THAT YOU CAN'T...CROSS...THE PICARDINATOR!!! 

Q-pid, we hear -- 

[said in a very effite voice] I heard what you just heard, and I think it's a crime that that brute is allowed anywhere near a professional competition like that. Don't you think so, Fluffy? 

Meow. [sound of purring] 

I see most of Fluffy's hair has grown back in. 

[weeping, a la Richard Simmons] Can you believe that monster, that he would hurt Fluffy like that? Thank God I had some water nearby to put out the flames. He should be [sob] arrested. 

But you're still going to get into the ring with the Picardinator tonight? 

[very poor attempt at growling] Yes, dangit! Someone has to teach that bully a lesson! 

Thank you, Q-pid. 

[end tape] 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's a grudge-match tonight, no question. And, yes, I think I see the Picardinator emerging from the tunnel now! 

[wild cheering from crowd, and booing as well] 

Oh, they're tormenting the Picardinator! That's not very wise, folks. And -- oh! Oh! He's lunging for some man in a grey sweatshirt. He's fighting back! The security guards...oh! It's like _The Jerry Springer Show_!" 

All right, all right. The guards have things under control, if anyone could be said to control the Picardinator. He's looking great tonight, folks. He's in skin-tight black leather pants and stormtrooper boots, no shirt, and a black leather vest with "Born to Destroy" written across the back. I think he may have a new tatoo, ladies and gentlemen, I'm not sure, but I think -- yes, it's a small tatoo on his stomach, and it looks like a circle with a dagger through it -- No! It's a Q with a dagger through it. Oh, there's no question that he hates his opponent tonight. 

[more roaring] 

And there's Q-pid now! Oh my God! He's wearing -- that's got to be a pink tutu! And he's got on pink stockings, and some sort of rhinestone...Oh! The Picardinator has seen him! He's frothing! [dim sounds of "You fairy! I'm going to kill you! Your ass is mine!"] He's on fire! Oh! I've never seen anything like this! Oh! One of the Q-pid's cherubs has just handed him his Magic Wand, and he and his cherubs are showering the crowd now with candies and balloons. [wild cheering and grabbing noises. Some woman screams, "We love you, Q-pid!] 

What? Oh no! The Picardinator has knocked down his own handler to get into the ring! He's screaming! [screaming] He wants Q-pid in the ring! But Q-pid is still tossing out candies! 

The Picardinator is telling the official the match is due to begin. Yeah, that's the only time tonight he's going to want this to be official, I promise you, ladies and gentlemen. 

Okay. Now. The official is going over to Q-pid. 

["I'm afraid you're going to have to start the match now, Mr. Q-pid."] 

["But I'm just having a little fun."] 

["You're going to have to start the match now, and you can't take the cat."] 

["Take Fluffy in the ring with that beast! I don't think so!"] 

 

All right, ladies and gentlemen. Q-pid has handed his pet over to his head cherub, and now he's making a final pass with his wand over the crowd. And now, yes, he's climbing into the ring. 

Oh no! The Picardinator has rushed Q-pid, and has him in a head-lock! The match hasn't officially begun! The official is trying to separate them and -- oh! Ouch! Oh, that's got to hurt! The official is on the ground, holding his stomach! 

And now Q-pid is trying to twist out of the Picardinator's grasp. He's got some of his hair, I think, but...yes...no...yes! He's out, and he's done a little twirl! 

[sound of growling, crowd roars] 

Oh! The Picardinator HATES that! Oh! He's pounding on his own bald head! He's fallen to his knees! I think he may be crying! He hates Q-pid so much! 

Q-pid is dancing around, now, and the crowd is loving -- Oh! The Picardinator is up! He's charging! He missed! He bounces off the ropes! He grabs Q-pid! Q-pid twirls away, and YES! Oh no! He's grabbed the Picardinator's pants and RIPPED THEM OFF! Oh no! The Picardinator loves those pants! His mother made them for him! He's spitting fire! Oh, he's so angry! 

[crowd is going wild; growling and snarling] 

He's wearing something, looks like a studded g-string underneath. And there's another tatoo we haven't seen before! Can't make it out! I'll ask him about it after -- Oh! [sound of THUD] He's got Q-pid by the neck and he's thrown him to the canvas! [cheering] 

Oh! It's payback time! He's grabbed Q-pid's tutu and ripped it off! There are rhinestones everywhere! The official is trying to get up, but he's fallen down again. Oh, this is manslaughter! The Picardinator has Q-pid's legs and he's twisting them around! He's got Q-pid on his hands and knees! Oh! This is terrible! And now he's pushing his legs apart for some sort of... 

[crowd suddenly goes very, very quiet] 

Oh my God, he's butt fu -- 

[dead air] 

THE END


End file.
